You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
