So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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