Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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