1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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