Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I supernannyed him into submission
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
