you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
