so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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