That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
