Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
