If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
