Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
