I could have mohawked her pubes.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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