She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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