I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
