My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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