I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
