So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
