he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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