she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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