So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
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she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
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His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize