This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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