just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
