Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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