He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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