She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Randomize
