Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
