drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
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I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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