I'm gonna have a badass scar
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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