i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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