escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
