I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
