Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
my liver is dry heaving
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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