Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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