How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
