Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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