I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
