Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
