I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
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Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
My penis needs a shock collar
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
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well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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