true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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