cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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