Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
