i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
