Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
