I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
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I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
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It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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