Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
