i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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