so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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