Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
