How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
