ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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