Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
