dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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