I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
