I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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