How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
