there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
