the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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