I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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