he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
