why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
