When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
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he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
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okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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