I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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