who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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