at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
