My first STD was from a foam party
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
