The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
