Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
