Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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