yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Of course I have a pirate flag
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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