I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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