We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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