Someone shit on the floor
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
