I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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